i hate me

I thought “unliking” someone would be easy if I choose to hold on to bad memories. Wrong. It only made me hate that person. And I don’t want to hate the person who I am most fond of. He is not worth the hate…he opened me to a lot of new experiences and feelings. He indeed is responsible for the renewed love I am feeling towards the people who has loved me ever since.

I am worth the hate. From the very start it was always about me. I never really cared about what he thought or what he felt. All I cared about was me, planned everything from getting in touch, staying in-like, to running away. Tsk tsk.

I thought he was the villain (and I, the victim.) I was scared that day that’s why I chose to let go. I knew I was badly hurt so I figured I should runaway now than be hurt even more. Again, it was about me. I never asked his side of story. I opted to believe in what my sanity has been telling me because my heart can’t accept pain it only wants to be loved and be wanted. *sigh*. I am missing you sooo bad right now…

My “would-be” happy relationship never happened (although it can never really happen.) It never occurred to me that I’d be hurt this soon…I was not prepared. Pain is the least feeling I want to feel right now that’s why I chose to ran away.

I know I won’t win this battle; a villain cannot win a battle. I was the villain.

And If this villain’s heart is ready for pain, that’s when I will choose to love again.

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